


anathema

by txmaki



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Slow Burn, james griffin can punch me out, sort of slow burn at least, what's up this is HOT
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-01-07 00:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18399023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/txmaki/pseuds/txmaki
Summary: a·nath·e·ma/əˈnaTHəmə/noun1. something or someone that one vehemently dislikes.James Griffin was your very own anathema.





	1. part 1

The Galaxy Garrison is a lot different than what you expected.

You didn’t even really expect to get in - Takashi Shirogane had come to your school and provided a flight simulator that while back and then he’d pulled you aside and told you that you had potential; and, well, here you are.

You knew that you were good at piloting - playing old video games from your parents’ time helped you gain some skill - but you didn’t expect you were that good. The Garrison seemed so far away; not just physically, but mentally. You’d heard of how strict the instructors were and what training you had to go through to even be considered to go to space. It was crazy; but somehow you’d made it. It was only a while longer after Shiro had come to the school that you were packing up a few of your things to move into the dorms at the Garrison.

And there, you met James Griffin.

You thought he had the whole package - smart, handsome, and you heard about how well he’d done on the simulator. He seemed like a decent person; someone you’d like to get to know better. It wouldn’t be so bad if you got a little close.

“Hi,” You had said, seeing him in the hallway of the Garrison after class. “James Griffin, right? We have Flight Training together.”

He hadn’t said anything, but he looked incredibly smug. He nodded.

“I’m Y/N L/N. Just thought I’d say hey. It can’t be bad to make a few friends, you know?”

And from there, everything went downhill. Griffin had scoffed and said something along the lines of not needing any friends, especially with the likes of you, and you had asked what he meant, and then he’d assumed that you only got in because of some connection you had with the administrators.

Needless to say, you punched him right across his cheek. You were threatened to be expelled, and it terrified you, but you didn’t regret doing it. The guy was a total asshat.

The years went by and things never changed, even if you’d like them to.

You’re walking to your dorm room, now, running a hand over your eyes to help sooth the dark circles. Sleep was hard to achieve with how much work you were given; you’re almost to your last year at the Garrison, you think you’d be used to it by now. A yawn escapes your lips just as you hear a painfully-familiar voice.

“Having trouble keeping up, L/N?” Griffin teases as he walks past you, and you groan inwardly.

“You’ve said that to me every year, and I still show up, so what do you think, asshole?” You reply, not even batting an eye. The teasing and fighting-mistaken-for-banter-by-everyone-else had gone on since that oh-so-fateful day when you punched the shit out of him. He scoffs behind you and you sigh, hoping to finally get some sleep.

-

“God, now I’m officially failing. Wonderful,” you murmur sarcastically to yourself after taking a look at your test paper, and you friend giggles next to you.

“I told you this year would be hard. They’re trying to drill everything we need to know in our heads, and since you want to become a pilot?” Nadia whistles and then makes an explosion sound, and you glare at her, earning a silly face in return.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Nadia. If I don’t pass this class, I’m done for.”

Nadia shuffles her papers around, stacking them neatly on her desk. “You could sign up for tutoring. I think I saw a flyer outside that mentioned this class.”

You perk up, then, eyes wide and full of thanks. “Really? Oh my God, you’re a life saver! I love you.” You coo towards Nadia, and she snorts.

“Yeah, I know.”

-

Nadia was right about the flyer being outside - as you’re walking to your flight simulator class, you see it on a cork board. You stall for a moment in the hall - someone tells you to move and you apologize with reddened cheeks before stepping closer. The paper doesn’t say anything about who would be tutoring, just to take a strip at the bottom of the page, which included a meeting place and time.

Suspicious, but you’re desperate.

Fleetingly, you take a tab from the paper haphazardly and then rush to your next class, hoping you’re not too late.

-

By the next Friday you’re waiting in the far corner of the library, waiting for your tutor to show up. You hope they do, otherwise it’d be a total bitch move to offer help and then explain it all as a joke. Ugh.

Five minutes pass. Then ten, then fifteen, and you’re thinking that maybe it was a stupid joke - if it wasn’t, then damn, something big has to have happened. You’re gathering up all your things to leave - you’ll find someone else to help you - and then there’s a low whistle, and the voice that follows it shakes you to your very core.

“Guess you really are having trouble, huh, L/N?”

Oh, no.


	2. part 2

You’ve got to be kidding.

“What’s the problem, sweetheart? Too stunned that you’re in my presence?” James asks, and the smirk on his face is nothing short of sexy - wait, no, smug, dammit -

“This is not happening,” you grumble to yourself, hurrying to pack up your things. No way in hell would you work with him of all people. Nope. Never.

You’re making your way out of the study area and Griffin’s voice follows you, taunting and arrogant and God, if expulsion wasn’t on the line you’d definitely punch him again. “I really don’t think you wanna do that,” he calls, and you stop in your tracks, turning around.

“For the past three years we have been at each other’s necks, Griffin, you hate me just as much as I hate you! All you’ll do is call me an idiot and probably not even help me, because you have some weird superiority complex -”

“You have no other choice,” he says, and you’re infuriated at how calm he is. “I’m the only astrophysics tutor, there are two weeks left in the semester, and you’re failing. I’m your only hope.”

You manage to meet his eyes and you can tell he’s relishing in your frustration. You know he’s right, though - there’s no other way to go about this. It’s him or failing.

Reluctantly, you walk back towards him, not breaking eye contact. You set your things on the table again, sitting down with a plop and watching as James sits across from you.

“You better not call me an idiot,” you say.

“Don’t be an idiot and I won’t call you one.”

-

Nadia smiles when she sees you walk into astrophysics the next day, waving at you from afar. You offer a slight wave in return.

“So!” She says, eyes gleaming, “how did your tutoring session go? Do you understand everything there is to know about astrophysics?”

“James Griffin is my tutor,” you respond, and you try to not completely collapse into your desk. “James fucking Griffin is my tutor, Nadia.”

You know that Nadia’s a little aloof when it comes to comfort, but you expected a little more support than a loud laugh. It’s loud enough that the professor shouts a stern “Rizavi!” from the front of the class and she shuts up, but not without a few giggles slipping through her lips. You sigh, groaning inwardly, sitting up to pay attention to the lesson. You don’t admit it to anyone, but you understand a few more things after studying with James.

“Look,” Nadia says at the end of class, gathering her things. “James is chill. Sometimes. And I know that you, like… despise him and whatever, but whenever you two are in a room together…”

She pauses, and you raise an eyebrow at her, urging her to keep going.

“There’s a lot of sexual tension, so -”

“No! Oh my God, Nadia!”

Nadia laughs at you almost keeling over, holding a hand over her mouth. “What?” she says, dodging a weak punch from you. “You never know.”

Except you did, and you most definitely were not attracted to James Griffin.

-

“You’re late.”

You sit down at the same table as yesterday, offering a painfully-fake smile in Griffin’s direction.

“Yeah, by one minute. It’s 4:16.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You glare at James, pulling out the necessary text and notebooks for today’s tutoring. He immediately flips to a page you didn’t even know was apart of the textbook and you blink tiredly as he starts explaining things. You pay attention to a few formulas, picking out key words that he uses - you really do try, it’s just that…

God, he was so annoyingly pretty.

It’s not like this is a newfound realization - all these years of knowing (and hating) him, you had known that he was an attractive guy. You just chose to ignore it - besides, he wasn’t really that hot when he was calling you a dumbass. But now, sitting closer to him than you’ve ever been, you’re noticing the flutter of his lashes and how straight his jawline is and -

“L/N? Are you even listening?”

“What?”

James scoffs, throwing a pen at you. His aim is good, because it hits you on the top of the head and you squeal out an “ouch” before giving him a look that encompasses every negative feeling you’ve felt towards him.

“Pay attention,” he starts, and then smiles in that crude way you’ve always known. “Idiot.”

That’s all it takes.

Your strong wall comes down - not by much, only by an inch, but it’s enough for you to collapse on the table, letting your forehead rest on the wood. It must stun James, because he’s silent for the first time in his life.

“Are you… alive?” You hear him call, and just sigh.

“I haven’t slept well in, like, four weeks,” you start, moving your position so your chin rests on the edge of the table. “You’re calling me an idiot every twenty minutes, I’m failing a very important class for my career choice and I have two weeks to make it up and if I don’t then I promise I will find a ship, launch it into space, and then throw myself into a black hole.”

You take a deep breath, lungs burning with the lack of oxygen at the end of your rant. A groan leaves your lips at the thought that yes, you just ranted James Griffin of all people, but it’s cut short when his hand meets your shoulder.

It’s stiff and awkward, but warm nonetheless. You feel a blush of embarrassment reach your cheeks but don’t push him away, too busy trying to fathom whether it’s sincere or if he’s pitying you.

“You might have to deal with me calling you an idiot,” James says, pulling his hand back as he looks at the textbook. “But I’ll be damned if you fail that class.”

Oh..

Oh.

Okay.


	3. part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi sorry its been like Over a month idk what happened lol

The papers are passed back. You hold your breath as the professor calls your name, shaking as you stand up out of your seat and walk to the front of the class to get your test. You don’t breathe again until you’re back at your seat, next to Nadia, who’s holding her paper up with a glimmering “A” written in red marker.

“What did you get?” She asks excitedly, and you feel your heart racing. You want a good grade - you need it. This test has to be good.

You turn your paper over, eyes trailing from the bottom of the page up, up, up…

A minus.

“Oh my God,” you wheeze, looking at Nadia and holy shit, there are literal tears in your eyes. “Oh my God!”

Nadia beams at you right as the professor excuses the class, and you gather up your things instantly. “I have to tell James!” You say before you can think, and once it leaves your lips you pause.

You see Nadia’s grin in your peripheral vision and know what she’s going to say before she says it.

“You like him, huh, Y/N? I knew it.”

“I do not!” You retort instantly, feeling your cheeks burn with a red-hot blush. “He’s just been busting his ass the last week and a half to help me pass this class. Like, actually. I should thank him, you know?”

Nadia rolls her eyes and bids you goodbye with a smile you can’t read, and as you’re walking to the library, you can’t help but walk a little faster to see James.

-

The library is filled with the usual quietness, people softly bustling along the floor to find their books. Your chest floats with the feel of butterflies, excited to tell James about your newfound confidence in astrophysics and that, yes, you got a good grade because of him. Even before the semester had totally ended, too - three days left.

You walk to your usual table, in the back of the building. You see his hair and then someone else, who is that, why are they -

They kiss.

You stop, stunned, because there’s no way James got someone to kiss him, right? Even if he did, you’re right on time, so why is he with someone else in the first place?

The noise that leaves your mouth is nothing short of urgent, and you’re glad you’re far enough away that James - or whoever he’s kissing - doesn’t hear it. You race towards the entrance of the library, feet thumping on the floor. Mingled shushes reach your ears but you don’t care, because you’re more focused on the pain in your chest.

Why does it hurt so much? Was Nadia right, did you like him? You couldn’t.

Right?

-

The night passes quickly, and soon you’re back to going through your classes. You’re quiet for most of the day, and when Nadia asks you what’s wrong you only shrug, mentioning something about not getting enough sleep. You can tell she doesn’t buy it, but she doesn’t push for you to say more.

The halls are empty during lunch, and you’re rushing to a class because you forgot your phone. Mild panic rises in your throat because that’s your phone, dammit. Your footsteps echo on the linoleum floor, squeaking when you make a stop too harsh.

“Hey, Y/N!” A voice calls, and you freeze. “Where were you yesterday? You bailed on me.”

God, and you were just starting to feel better again.

You don’t say anything to James, and while it’s blatantly obvious that you’re just ignoring him, you pretend you didn’t hear him despite his literal yelling down the hall. You will yourself to walk a little faster, just get past him, and that’s all. He’s only a few yards ahead of you. Just a little bit longer.

“Y/N,” he says, and you make the mistake of looking up. He’s almost right in front of you now, and you hate the way you feel when he says your name. “I’m talking to you.”

You take a deep breath. “Sorry, something came up,” you lie, straight through your teeth, but the second it leaves your mouth James is on you.

“Bullshit. Where were you? Too busy for me, sweetheart?”

“Oh my God, shut up!” You say before you can stop yourself, looking at James dead in the eye. He looks stunned. “I was too busy? You were the one making out with someone in the middle of the library!”

Your cheeks burn and you hate it, hate it as much as the recognition registering in James’ eyes. You don’t move, though, and decide you might as well keep going.

“Why does it bother you?” He asks, and you hate the calm of his voice.

“You bother me, Griffin. Everything you do is so fucking annoying, so infuriating. You never know when to shut up, you just keep going, and -”

Oh.

Oh.

Okay.

That’s definitely a kiss.


	4. part 4

Anathema.

James Griffin was your anathema.

Then again, if he was, it wouldn’t have felt so good when he kissed you, right?

It certainly took you by surprise. You hadn’t moved, not at first, stick straight against the wall as James kissed you. It was soft and slow and everything you could have wanted, but before you let yourself really sink into it (which was incredibly hard not to do) you pushed James away and ran the other direction as fast as you could, completely forgetting about your phone in your previous class.

The after-the-semester break the school had given to students was supposed to be a good time for you to relax, but you couldn’t. Not when all you could think about was the smell of James’ cologne, how good it felt to have his lips pressed to yours, and oh, his lashes fluttering against your cheek -

“Heyo!” comes a voice from your door, and you snap out of your trance to see Nadia enter your apartment with a bag in her hand. You quickly recognize a few brands through the plastic and remember that she called about coming to hang out, the promise of snacks being her way to bribe you.

You don’t say anything in response, instead offering up a smile and a quick wave. Nadia sets her bag of bribery on your tiny kitchen counter before sitting down next to you on your too-small sofa.

“What’s wrong?” she asks immediately, and you sigh, because only Nadia would notice something’s up right away. You fall back into your couch, groaning as she looks back at you patiently.

“James and I, we…” you start, and you feel the blush creeping up your neck. “We kissed.”

Nadia pauses, then snickers from her place beside you. A gasp leaves your lips as you playfully hit her, earning an estranged “ow!” in return.

“That’s what’s got you all stressed out? You two kissed?”

“Yeah.”

“Well,” Nadia says, pushing her glasses further up the bridge of her nose, “do you like him?”

You open your mouth to answer, but then close it. Do you like him? Or is it just a strangely-developed crush from being around him so much? Panic rises in your brain, faintly, because you’ve only ever hated him - despised him, even. The idea of being civil with him was new in itself, but liking him?

“You don’t have to answer now,” Nadia rushes out, sensing your anxiety. “Just… think about it, yeah? And come to this party with me tonight.”

You send her a look.

“C’mon, it’ll help you feel less stressed! Get your mind off of things,” she tries, and you sigh, already knowing it’s a losing battle. You nod, faintly, and see her grin in your peripheral vision. She stands up to get the snacks she brought and then plops back down next to you, handing you your favorite candy as a sort of “feel better” tactic.

-

The party fucking blows.

You knew most of your class - at least by name - and notice a few classmates as you walk through the too-big, “I’m-a-rich-kid-and-my-parents-are-out-on-vacation-in-the-Virgin-Islands” house, but aside from a kid in your astronomy class you know exactly no one. It’s better than you expected - no one’s screaming or mosh-pitting in the living room - but still not your scene, so you grab a drink and head out back, sitting by whoever’s pool. Nadia never told you who was throwing the party - wait a second, where the hell is Nadia?

Through a window you see her taking a few shots and know she’ll be fine, even with the after-thought of having to take her home later. With a sigh, you sit in a chair, watching as the lights in the pool flicker on. The world is draped in a blue glow, and it’s calming. You notice, vaguely, that there’s no one else out here - surprising, but you appreciate it nonetheless.

You close your eyes, taking a swift sip from your drink and indulging in the sound of quiet. It helps ease your mind - you kissing James doesn’t seem like such a big deal, not anymore. A breeze comes by and you let yourself feel a bit better as your hair follows the wind.

“Hey,” a voice says, and you open your eyes to find someone you can’t decide if you want to see or not.

James looks nervous as he stands in front of you, shifting his weight between his feet. You’ve never seen him like this - always the epitome of confidence, especially in front of you. He meets your eyes, tentatively, and you immediately stand up, moving before your brain even registers what’s going on.

“I’m leaving,” you murmur, trying to get past James. You manage to, but he follows you.

“Y/N, please -”

“No.”

“Are we gonna talk about what happened?”

You try to pretend that his voice doesn’t sound amazing saying your name, and turn around to face him. You find his eyes and make sure to make it obvious that you’re serious. “Nothing happened. Nothing.”

Something changes in his eyes. Sorrow to anger, shame to defense.

“Something happened, babe,” he says, and his eyes match yours in intensity. “We kissed. And you’re acting like it’s nothing.”

What?

“Why did you, huh?” You yell in response, throwing your arms up. “You have hated me for years. What the hell compelled you to kiss me?”

The air goes still, quiet as James softens. He shoves his hands in his pockets, looking down at his feet with a timid scoff. He looks up at you, again, and you realize.

“I never really hated you,” he says softly. “You were impressive, just intimidating. I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just acted like I hated you, because I thought it’d be easier. I agreed to help you because I thought it’d be a good way to get closer to you - to show you that I’m not… just that guy you hate.”

You hear your heart pounding in your ears. “What are you saying?” You ask, swallowing thickly.

“I’m saying I love you.”

You don’t even have time to think.

Before you know it you’re stepping closer to him, tracing his jawline with your fingers, feeling up his arms and chest and then leaning up to kiss him, this time. It’s better than the last one you shared, smoother and reciprocated. You don’t know why - something in you tells you to just keep going, that you need to.

You break away from the kiss slowly, trying to find words to explain your emotions. None come to mind, none that make sense, but when you look at James you see that he understands - maybe not how you feel, but he understands that it’s confusing.

You lean forward to kiss him again.


End file.
